fidelity trap

Sometimes you feel soo tired and you want to stop…to give it a break…to pause…what ever you want to call it. But it turns out to be the opposite……and you go deeper and deeper and you just can’t help it. It’s not because you are carried away…it’s not because you’re unconscious about what you’re doing. Here I am talking about the cause. Your cause of working. Things that make your life worth living. It may sound scary or too much…but do you know what’s your mission in life?

I remember while in college (one of the best period in my life), involved in an inspiring community, we often discussed about what my friend called ‘fidelity trap’ (Ehmm…this is just my absolute liberty in translating ‘jebakan kesetiaan’). Fidelity to what…we couldn’t really define it. We just felt that we wanted to achieve something or didn’t want to lose something –well, many things– that we worked on together. We just didn’t want to lose the consequences of that work…which were for me ‘feeling great’. As simple as that –if I may say.

So…skipping classes, the cold midnight practices, long-lasting discussions, falling asleep in class, adrenaline-boosting report writing moments, one-night-study for exam….they were all just worth it. They were just relevant…made you got angry when people questioned your ‘hyperactivity’…or questioned your being irresponsible to your parents ;-)) Yes…B or C grades are one of the trade-offs ;-)) …although some friends of mine were ingenious enough to have As on their exam sheets, or a ‘cum laude’ written on their certificate despite all those activities. But finally it depends on your parents expectations and how you present your results to them so that somehow it meets their expectations heheheh…You can say for example ‘Well, I am not an A student…but my grades are not bad either. And in addition (don’t forget to emphasize this hihihi..), I graduate on time (or in time –before you’re kicked out) and have a lot of friends (or fiancé or boy/girl friend) as bonus’ ;-)) Everybody’s happy, case closed.

In real life, similar situation happens. The time you find the place where you fit in or you feel that you belong to something….there comes the ‘fidelity trap’. Beware of this, but it’s nothing to avoid as long as you know WHY you let yourself trapped. Then here comes the cause. Somehow –in my opinion– you have to define your cause…no matter how unimportant you think it is. You might find it useful when you feel boredom or tired….or down because you feel that all you’ve done contribute very very small –if not nothing– to changes that you expect to see. It helps you to stand up again and continue whatever you have started.

Once you have defined your cause, it’s also important –again I think– to decide where your ‘battle ground’ is. My two thumbs up to a friend that said firmly…my battle ground is here with my family. She took for granted her prestigious masters degree and let go her bright-future career. Her mission, her cause, is raising her two sons –God’s gifts– in the right way. Her trade-off is beyond life….it’s heaven. All nitty-gritty of raising children is just worth it. For her, all her ‘sacrifices’ –although I’m sure she won’t call it like that— is just relevant. And when questioned why she let go all her accomplishments, she can cheerfully respond ‘why not?’

And God bless those who know what they do.


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